The Book of Anaya, The Diary of the One whose name means God Answers.

"My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is past my knowledge. With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come." - Psalm 71:15-18 (ESV)

Chapter One: To all who are broken, dishearted, sorrow-filled, covered with self-righteousness, and sick with unrecognized sin.

Dear brothers and sisters, I am writing this to all who live on this earth. I am in deep anguish and

my spirit is aching. Even as I write this, in the 7th month of the 22nd year of my 2nd year with Christ, I am pleading with God to forgive me of my sins. The words are failing to form in my mind on what to say or how to tell you of my findings. In the first month of this year, God gave me a word: realness. Realness. I couldn't comprend what that meant in the time of the spoken word but in these last 7 months, I have come to find more clarity. I am a known Christian to my fellow peers and community. My testimony clings to the power of Christ in even the most sin-filled people. I can testify that there was evil running through my heart, my mind, and my body. Through the power of Christ meeting me one night in the 20th year, I was restored and forgiven. I was given a purpose that I did not even fully understand. Through his power, I was able to preach without knowledge. I was appointed to higher positions, which I was unqualified for. Through Christ, everything about me became a testament to who he is. However, Brother and Sister, I have been deeply mistaken. I have run a course but missed the mark. I apologize. I have led others but failed to lead myself. I have preached the word but failed to read the word. I have forgiven others but failed to forgive myself. I have given wise counsel but failed to recognize my own destruction. As a young Christian leader, I can not fail to recognize my own sinful behavior. My own realness. Brother and Sister, I do not write this in hopes to gain your approval or make amends. I write this because it is my purpose to run after Christ in every way, to help others turn towards him, and to allow Jesus to shine through me and do his will. So I write, pleading with you to recognize your truth. The truth of where you are, the truth of your sin, the truth of our purpose, the truth of Jesus Christ, the truth of Heaven and Hell, the truth that every second, everyday matters. With me, brothers and sisters, turn toward Christ. Come alongside me as I bow down to the Great Almighty. Lift each other up when one is only able to crawl and go out into the world together. I failed in going out with other fellow believers into the world. And though, Christ makes me strong in my walk, I was alone in the lion's den. I overestimated my abilities to stand tall and I lost a battle. I lost a battle, God never wanted me to fight alone. Jesus sent his 12 disciples in two, not because they weren't strong on their own but because two are better than one when you are going against the world. You can not help yourself when drowning but if you have someone with you who can swim and who has knowledge in lifeguarding. You have upped your chances of survival. I started drowning in sin. I, who is certified in lifeguarding, could not help myself. All my knowledge, training, positons/titles, did nothing. I relied on Jesus to save me (and he did) but Jesus never wanted me to be there in the first place. The all-powerful God knew where I was headed but I couldn't see it myself. I thought I was okay. I knew I wasn't great but I thought I would get through it without major damage. I didn't realize that was the moment, I shifted my eyes. I was running but I was running blind. Now, as I look back, I can see where God's voice got quieter and where I made a wrong turn. Alone. Alone, no one could tell me to stop. Alone, no one could see the destruction building. So, brothers and sisters, I write to encourage you to be honest in your relationship with someone. Find someone. Do not be alone. I also write because my book is not finished. I ask for you to come alongside me so that I am not alone. Our world is different now. We can have multiple communities around the entire world. We do not have to be alone.